Things I’ve learned in the past few weeks:
1. No matter who you are, nobody likes the selection of music on your iPod as much as you do.
2. Everyone is paying less for gas than we pay in Los Angeles.
3. Audis get phenomenal gas mileage.
4. Something like half the people running the UK are not elected.
5. Armadillos carry leprosy.
6. Louisiana has drive-thru daiquiri stands.
7. Celery requires an insane amount of water to grow.
8. The President and Bill Cosby eat free at Ben’s Chili Bowl.
9. The appropriate way to say Baltimore is Balamer.
10. Pot pie in Pennsylvania is not a pie at all.
11. I require a lot of makeup before I am presentable for national television.
12. Chrysler discontinued production of PT Cruisers in 2009.
13. Cory Booker loves Ben and Jerry’s.
14. There is a large silver bean in Chicago that everyone knew about except me.
15. Bao is delicious.
16. South Dakota is beautiful, but it’s not really my jam.
17. NyQuil makes me chatty and sleepy all at the same time.
18. Goat man, you guys. Goat man.
19. Pioneer Day in Utah is also Pie and Beer day in Utah, depending on who you’re with.
20. Donkeys are friendly like dogs but smelly like donkeys.
21. Vitamin C and Calcium keep apple slices from turning brown.
22. I remember an astonishing percentage of the lyrics from Little Shop of Horrors.
23. Everyone is paying way less for parking tickets than we pay in Los Angeles.
24. Any establishment that sells liquor in Portland also has to sell food.
25. The fine for littering on the highway in Oregon is $6,250.
This is not a comprehensive list. And it certainly doesn’t include the most important thing I’ve learned, the thing I’m still trying to articulate. The point of the film, I guess. And that is…Twitter. I’ve learned Twitter. I’m still trying to figure out how to explain it to someone in 140 characters or less. It’s a place where news breaks, and jokes happen, and sometimes ugliness and grief and stupidity. It’s a platform for social interactions; for finding friends, and jobs, and maybe your spouse. It’s an idea that has changed how we organize our thoughts, and the words we use, and the way we view the world. It’s art and parody and technology and real life. It’s an addiction.
Tomorrow’s Friday. Tomorrow I’ll be in San Francisco. I hear Twitter has a brand-new office. If you’ve been following us for the past 38 days, you may have seen we’ve got a little petition going. It’s a petition for Twitter to verify my account. I’ve been trying to think of some reasons, but I’m mostly drawing a blank. Sure, there are several accounts impersonating me out there. (MY NAME IS NOT ERIN SCAFE.) But I doubt anyone’s been fooled by them. I don’t have a million followers, I didn’t start an awesome company, I’m not a politician or an athlete or a musician. I just want a blue checkmark.
I think it would look nice next to my face. I don’t see the problem with that.
If you’ve got some free time tomorrow morning, I could use some help with this quest. You helped us rock our Kickstarter, and get a car from Audi, and get an interview with Cory Booker while raising thousands for charity, and connect us with awesome people at Foursquare and Buzzfeed. You guys have been our cheerleaders from the beginning, and without Twitter it wouldn’t have happened. So, friends: Help us out today and tomorrow. Let @twitter know we’re on our way. Maybe mention to @verified that you’ve met me and you can vouch for me. Tell @jack and @biz that I’m not a complete lunatic, just a big fan of what they’ve created. If you’re on Facebook, post a message saying you wouldn’t mind seeing my account verified: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Twitter/278029242253904
Thanks for everything, Twitter. We might be almost home, but we’re really just getting started. I can’t wait to share everything we’ve learned with you.